[In some alternate universe they switched apartments but in my versions Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Rachel all live in the same apartments they have always been living in]
(Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is there eating breakfast)
Monica: Okay, who wants seconds?
Rachel: I do.
Chandler: Me too.
Monica: Do you want seconds?
Monica: Why not? You always eat my eggs.
Joey: It's not your eggs, Mon. I have an audition today and I don't want to be overly um… stuffed.
Monica: Ok, fine.
Phoebe: Monica, you didn't ask me if I wanted seconds.
Ross: Uh Phoebe, you don't eat eggs.
Phoebe: Well it would be nice to be asked.
(Everyone gives Phoebe a strange look)
Joey: Well, I gotta go to my audition now.
Rachel: Wait, you didn't tell us what the audition is.
Joey: Oh, well it's a uh, you know it's a uh…
Joey: Cat food commercial.
Phoebe: Oh cool! Do you like play the owner who shakes the box of food and the kitty comes running?
Ross: Sorta, how?
Joey: I kinda have to eat the cat food. I'll see you guys later. (quickly leaves)
Monica: EWW!! I'm not even gonna ask.
Phoebe: You know what, Joey's cat food thing got me thinking. You guys eat too much meat.
Phoebe: Yeah, you guys eat meat at every single meal.
Ross: Well, it tastes good.
Phoebe: It does? How can the flesh of a poor, harmless little creature that's slaughtered by rusty machines with blood spewing everywhere taste good? (Everyone pushes away their plates)
Chandler: Thank you Pheebs.
Phoebe: How about I cook dinner for you guys. No meat whatsoever.
Rachel: Phoebe, I didn't know you could cook.
Phoebe: Well, I have to eat too you know.
(Scene: Joey's audition. He's walking up to a set of a fake kitchen.) Director: Ok, Mr. (looking at his paper) Tribianni. You read the script, now let's see what you can do.
(Some overweight guy with a script in his hand walks onto the set)
Joey: Who's this guy?
GUY: I'm the cat.
Joey: You're Fluffy?
Director: Here Joey let me explain the real cat well she's in her trailer getting groomed. She said she's too "busy" to participate in the audition. God, she's so damn pretentious. So, Ralph here will be doing her lines.
Director: Alright go ahead.
Joey: "Fluffy, fluffy! Come and get it!"
Joey: "What is it Fluffy?"
Ralph: "Meow, meow!"
Joey: "What? You don't like the food I give you?"
Ralph (shakes his head): "Meow."
Joey: "Well I got you something new. This is Happy Time Cat Food, now with lamb and liver. It's the top choice among all cats."
Ralph (shakes his head): "Meow, meow!"
Joey: "Ah come on, Fluffy please try it. Here look at all those chunks of real meat."
Ralph: "Meow, meow, meow, meow!"
Joey: " 'If it's so good why don't I try it?' Well ok Fluffy. If it'll make you eat it." (Joey pops open the can of cat food, digs in with a fork and takes a huge bite.)
(To his amazement, the cat food tastes good)
Joey: Hey, this is pretty good!
Ralph: "Meow!" (pretends to eat the cat food)
Announcer: "Happy Time Cat Food, the cat food you can share with the ones you love."
Director: Joey, that was incredible! You got the job!
Joey: Really? That's great! (shakes the director's hand) I have to say this cat food really does taste good!
(Scene: Monica and Rachel's. It's raining outside. Rachel comes out of her bedroom)
Rachel (looks out the window): Oh, I hate rainy days!
(Monica is in the kitchen and she is taking all these cleaning supplies out from under the sink)
Rachel: Monica what are you doing?
Monica: Well, since it's a rainy day and there's nothing to do, I thought it would a perfect day to clean the apartment.
Rachel: What? Oh come on Mon, clean the whole apartment?
Monica: Yep and you'd better help me. (Rachel pouts)
Monica: Ok, let's get started. (Hands Rachel some cleaning supplies) You're doing the bathroom.
(Scene: Monica and Rachel's. They are still cleaning the apartment. Rachel comes out of her bedroom with a shoe box)
Rachel: Oh my God, Mon, look what I found while I was cleaning out my closet. (opens the box) My old tap shoes!
Monica: I don't remember you ever taking tap lessons.
Rachel: Yeah I did in like 8th grade, I can't believe you don't remember.
Monica: Well, during that time I was probably in a coconut cream pie daze.
Rachel: Oh wow I can't believe I still have them. My tap teacher said that I had real talent. I could have become some sort of child protege, but then I discovered boys, so.
(Rachel tries them on)
Rachel: Ahh, they still fit! Well actually I think my sister stretched them out with her big old feet. Oh but who cares, I used to love tapping all around the house till my dad used to tell me to stop the racket or he'd throw them down the garbage disposal.
Monica: Well can you still do some steps?
Rachel: "Can I do some steps!" Here watch this!
(Rachel then goes into some funky tap dance, she starts tapping up a storm and flails her arms and legs all about.)
Rachel (out of breath) Well, how was that?
Monica: That was…uh…that was something!
Rachel: Really?! Ohh, I'm gonna go practice. Hey, maybe I can do like a recital thing for you guys after dinner?
Monica: Well, uh…
Rachel: Great! (runs to her room to practice)
(Phoebe enters with some grocery bags)
Phoebe: Hey! Ok, I'm ready to get cooking.
Monica: What are you gonna prepare?
Phoebe: Oh no, can't tell I want it to be a surprise.
Monica: Ok, do you need my help?
Phoebe: No, no. You just go on about your cleaning or take a nap or something.
Monica: Ok, Phoebe.
(Scene: Monica is sitting on the couch reading a magazine, Phoebe's in the kitchen, and Rachel is practicing in her room. Chandler enters.)
Chandler: Hey! Oh something smells good. (goes over to the stove and is about to open a pot lid)
Phoebe: Don't touch! (hits his hand with a wooden spoon)
Chandler: Ok, ok. (goes over to the couch and sits next to Monica, then looks over to the closed door of Rachel's room) What's that noise?
Monica: Oh, well Rachel is practicing her tap dancing so she can give us a recital after dinner.
Chandler: Oh, is she any good?
Monica: Good is not the word I'd use.
(Chandler stares at Monica.)
Chandler: There's something I need to talk to you about, it's um kinda important.
Chandler: Well, you know the other night when we uh…you know.
Monica (knows what he's talking about): Uh-huh.
Chandler: Well, I… (Phoebe turns on the mixer) I… (the tapping in Rachel's room gets louder) think…
Monica (loudly): What?
Chandler (loudly): I think that…
Monica: You think what?
Chandler: I think that…(to Phoebe and Rachel) hey would you guys knock it off?!
(Phoebe stops the mixer and Rachel comes out of her bedroom)
Monica: Chandler, what is it that you wanted to tell me? (Chandler is about to speak, then he notices that Phoebe and Rachel are staring at him)
Chandler: Well, it…it can wait.
(Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there. Joey enters)
Joey: Ahh! I got the job!!
Chandler: What? The cat food thing?
(everyone congratulates him not so enthusiastically)
Joey: What is it?
Monica: Well, Joey did you really have to eat the cat food?
Joey: Yeah and it wasn't so bad!
(Everyone gives an "ew!" face)
Phoebe: Ok! Dinner is served!
(Everyone sits down at the table)
Rachel: Wow, everything looks great Phoebe.
Phoebe: Thanks. Ok for your appetizers…
Phoebe: Yes, appetizers! Ok it's stuffed mushroom balls, well that's what I call them.
(everyone eats some, Phoebe watches excitedly)
Chandler: Hey these are pretty good. (everyone agrees)
Phoebe: Yea! Ok now you guys wanna try some yam casserole?
Monica: Yam? I didn't you make a casserole with yam.
Phoebe: Well, you can make it with yam when you don't live in a meat filled world.
(Everyone tries some)
Ross: Hey, not bad.
Phoebe: Yea! See you guys can enjoy food without meat. Go ahead dig in all the other stuff. Ok, now who's gonna do the dishes?
(everyone points at someone else)
(Scene: After dinner)
Rachel: Ok, I have a little surprise for you guys. I bet you guys didn't know that I happen to be a very talented tap dancer.
Joey: Get out! (Monica pokes him in the ribs)
Rachel: Anyway, I'd like to do a little performance for you guys. (Rachel goes into her bedroom, then comes back out with her tap shoes on and a radio in her hand. She turns on the radio and starts tapping to the music. She starts doing the same funky tap dance as before but this time she flails her arms and legs more and accidentally kicks the coffee table over, but she is too into it so she doesn't notice. Everyone has a shocked look on their face. Rachel stops tapping as the song comes to an end.)
Rachel (out of breath): So?
Ross: Oh my god that was…that was…incredible!
Monica: You were fantastic!
Phoebe: That was amazing!
Joey: I can't believe what I just saw.
Rachel: Oh my gosh, you guys that is so great of you! But it's too bad that I'm gonna have to hang up my tap shoes.
Rachel: Well with all that practicing I have this huge cramp in my legs. I think I'm getting too old for this, it was just for fun. (goes back into the bedroom)
(Everyone has a look of relief on their face and some mouth "Thank God!")
(Scene: Chandler and Joey's. Joey is at the kitchen eating cat food. Chandler comes out of his bedroom.)
Chandler: What are you eating?!
Joey: Hey this stuff's pretty good! Want some?
Chandler: No thanks.
Joey: Ok, you don't know what you're missing. (Joey goes to his bedroom and closes his door)
Chandler: Oh, hi Mon.
Monica: So, what is it that you needed to tell me. I have a feeling it has something to do with that kiss doesn't it?
Chandler: Yeah, it does.
Monica: Look, Chandler, before you start there something I really need to tell you too.
Chandler: Ok, what is it?
Monica: I have been thinking a lot about that kiss and even though I said it didn't mean anything to me, it did. I just thought I shouldn't say anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. But lately I've been thinking about you more than just a friend. Chandler, I think I'm in love with you. I've known you for so long and you're one of my best friends, so perhaps it was bound to happen. I have shared more with you than with any man I've ever dated. I love you Chandler. (Chandler just looks at her) Chandler, please say something.
Chandler: I've been in love with you since the day I met you. I love you so much Monica. (goes over to her and they kiss passionately)